Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize