I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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