those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just had sex on a roof
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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