Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
