Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
