i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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