Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
