pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
