I'm eating all of the evidence.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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