I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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