that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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