I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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