biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
