Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
