Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
