when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
