Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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