Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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