i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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