i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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