so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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