Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
