so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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