everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
