I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
