I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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