it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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