I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
