You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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