you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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