I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
