i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
