guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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