She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
