I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
