just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
