Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish you could order shots online.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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