i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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