he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
