she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
