Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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