found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
