everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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