I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
