Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want is dick and wine.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
