I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
