you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
