i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
