i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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