I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
