I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
