Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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