It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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