Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
