I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
