dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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