no, he came in my armpit
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
