i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
