don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
