i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
