come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
