this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
