A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
