So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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