It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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