PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
